the novelty of having pets really does never wear off i’ve had my cat for ten years and i still look at him strolling around like can you believe this. a cat. is everyone seeing this. he’s alive he has bones and all. unbelievable
My social anxiety is sooooooooooo much better than it used to be, like infinitely better (thank u Zoloft), but I still get really worked up about having to meet new people or be around large groups of people
Any time I know something is going to trigger my social anxiety I get like really depressed beforehand and want to not go
I have plans tonight that I’ve been really excited about and now im on my bed in a towel too depressed to move and I want to back out. But I can’t. For multiple reasons. I wish I had like a life coach I could text who could be like “come on girl!! Get up!!!!”
I miss Deb so much that it’s ruining my life
But every time I see something on fb that’s she’s liked or commented on (she’s blocked so these are assumptions but correct ones because of the nature and location of the posts) I get so ferociously angry and pissed at her
But she’s all I can think about and it’s making me horribly depressed
I don’t miss her treating me like shit but I miss alllll the good times we had and our connection. Neither of us can pretend like there wasn’t something there. Because there was. Our connection was instantaneous and intense. And I know she fucking misses me too
If she ignores me in June I’m either going to dissolve into an emotional mess or become enraged. Stay tuned
Mood: making out while my fingers are inside of you
Happy Mother’s Day to me. I’m my own damned mother, my sisters’ mother.
Earlier today I thought man I should start saving for retirement and then I remembered that there is no way in HELL I’m staying on this planet for that long. NO WAY. I’m not even sure I’m gonna survive my oldest dog dying. He’s 10 and small and healthy so I’ve probably got 6-10 more years left.
I literally want to kick a fucking hole in the wall. And scream. I hate you I hate you I hate you.
And I hate that when we inevitably see each other in June, it’s going to crush me when you ignore me. I shouldn’t care. You treated me badly. Used me until I couldn’t be what you needed anymore. You never loved me. Why why why is it going to hurt when you ignore me. Idk but every time I play the scenario in my head I feel faint. And my throat closes up. And I want to cry. God I hate you
It breaks my fucking heart that you still love that bitch who treated you like shit and attempted to sabotage your career. And who is a fucking abusive groomer. AND who messaged your FAMILY on fb to figure out how to talk to you when you were mad at her. So fuck you for real. God I can’t stand you I hate you so much. I still don’t even know what I did to make you hate me. I guess it goes to show that all you care about is clout. You know she’s going places and you love hitching your wagon to rising stars. Sorry me wanting to be a gentle and caring groomer and not giving a shit about being a show groomer isn’t enough for you. Fucking narcissistic piece of shit. Am I crazy? Yes. Are you ALSO crazy for forming an intense flirt-heavy friendship with someone half your fucking age? ALSO YES. And taking advantage of my low self-esteem to treat me like shit. And getting mad and deleting me after I finally fucking stood up for myself. Fuck you for making feel like a goddamned monster.
